Sind Sie Terrorist?

Beiträge: 10
Zugriffe: 475 / Heute: 1
Happy End:

Sind Sie Terrorist?

 
13.02.02 15:14
Sind Sie Terrorist? 575573

Wie findet man Terroristen? Diese Frage beschäftigt die Vereinigten Staaten mehr als alles andere. Das satirische Politikmagazin "Whitehouse.org" hat aus diesem Zweck eine so genannte Patriotenregistrierrung gestartet.

Ein Formular auf der Website des Onlinejournals ergründet die politische Gesinnung des Users und fragt ihn direkt: Sind Sie Terrorist? Lieben Sie Amerika? Sicher? Wer sich einträgt gehört zu den Guten, wer nicht zu den Bösen. Terroristenfahndung nach dem Ausschlussprinzip.

"Whitehouse.org " gibt vor, als handele es sich bei der Registrierung um eine Initiative des US-amerikanischen Justizminister John Ashcroft. Je mehr Personen man als Patrioten - also als Nicht-Terroristen - erfasse, um so leichter könne man die Verdächtigen ausmachen.



ATTENTION CITIZENS:

As part of the Bush Administration's ongoing efforts to obliterate all traces of terrorism in the United States, the Department of Justice has commenced registration* of each and every American Patriot. By registering all non-terrorists within our borders, it is our intention to make use of the process of elimination to identify the evil ones who walk among us. If you are a non-terrorist (American Patriot), your participation is required. Please register below.

    - John Ashcroft
      United States Attorney General  

      Sind Sie Terrorist? 575573  


AMERICAN PATRIOT REGISTRATION

 
Name in Full:


E-mail Address:


Date of Birth:  


Country of Origin:  ...United States of America
                       Other (Militant Muslim Theocracy)
                       Other (Non-Militant Muslim Theocracy)


Marital Status:  ...Single
                    Married
                    Homosexual


Political Affiliation:  ...Republican (Right-Wing)
                           Republican (Conservative)
                           Republican (Moderate)
                           Other/Communist


Religion:  ...Methodist
              Baptist
              Catholic
              Branch Davidian
              Jew for Jesus
              Jew against Jesus
              Other (Militant Fundamentalist)
              Other (Non-Militant Fundamentalist)
 

Have you ever been convicted of a crime?  ...Yes
                                             Not Yet


If YES, please indicate crime:  ...Loitering
                                   Littering
                                   Shoplifting
                                   Drug Dealing
                                   Sodomy
                                   Hijacking
                                   Chemical Weapons Production
                                   Biological Weapons Production
                                   Nuclear Weapons Production
                                   Mass Murder
                                   Maniacal Fits of Public Laughter


I love America.  ...True/False


The best way to fight terrorism is to visit Disney World.  ...True/False


I am a terrorist.  ...True/False


I am sure.  ...True/False


Toenail clippers are potential instruments of murder.  ...True/False


White people are almost never crazy.  ...True/False


Vegetarians are traitors to the American way of life.  ...True/False


Indefinite detentions of minority groups are a privilege of citizenship.  ...True/False


Fox News is fair, balanced, and profoundly watchable.  ...True/True


Black people wearing those "big pants" are suspicious.  ...True/False


Rush Limbaugh is an elected official.  ...True/False


He should be.  ...True/False


Even though he’s kind of a cripple now.  ...True/False


People who wear turbans are, more often than not, mad dog killers.  ...True/False


My favorite movie is:  ...Rambo
                          Red Dawn
                          Top Gun
                          The Cunt for Red Cocktober
                          Die Capitalist Pig II: Uncle BAM!


On Sunday afternoons, I like to...  ...Watch football
                                       Drink beer
                                       Watch football and drink beer
                                       Case nuclear power plants
 

Asians are particularly good at math.  ...True/False


My favorite food is:  ...Apple pie
                         Cheeseburgers
                         Hot dogs
                         PB&J
                         Goat eyeball cous cous


The TRUE capital of the United States is:  ...Crawford, TX
                                              Houston, TX
                                              Dallas, TX
                                              Austin, TX
                                              Graceland
                                              New Jalalabad, CT


What Would Jesus Do?  ...Walk on water
                         Gun down abortion doctors
                         Cure the blind
                         Give $300 Tax Rebates
                         Kick Mohammed’s ass
                         Jesus who?


On a scale of 1 to 10, what is Pamela Anderson?  ...10
                                                     5
                                                     1
                                                     Godless whore


George W. Bush is:  ...My kind of guy
                       A real stand-up guy
                       A guy’s guy
                       The guy next door
                       The Great Satan Infidel!


Which is the least important right?  ...Speech
                                        Assembly
                                        Representation
                                        Guns
                                        Religion
                                        "Due Process"
                                        Cultural hegemony


Criticism of the Government:  ...Aids and abets terrorists
                                 Is the mark of a traitor terrorist
                                 Is perpetrated by people brainwashed by
                                 terrorists
                                 Is probably the result of LSD in the drinking
                                 water
                                 All of the above
                                 Will help topple the Great Satan infidels!


Democracy is based on what principle?  ...Country clubs rule
                                          Stockholders rule
                                          Moral hypocrites rule
                                          Republicans rule
                                          Majority rules
                                          Flaming Sword of God rules


US Foreign Policy:  ...Is totally fair and NOT based on the financial interests
                       of Big Oil!
                       Kicks proverbial ass
                       Who cares?
                       PERPETUATES ZIONIST EVIL!


Finally, in 25 words or less, complete the sentence, "I deserve my American citizenship because..."
NOTE: The response "Because I was born here" (or any variation thereof) will NOT be accepted.




By submitting this questionnaire, I hereby relinquish my right to habeas corpus and all other supposed rights afforded me by the Bill Of Rights. If I am a citizen of the United States and I submit this form, I acknowledge that the Department of Justice and/or the FBI may use this information to arrive at the conclusion that I am some kind of pinko, commie, freedom-hating towel-headed homo who deserves to get a steel-tipped federal jackboot shoved up my treacherous ass, so help me John Ashcroft.

Sind Sie Terrorist? 575573


*The Department of Justic would like to thank Jolene Cornsilk of Keota, OK for this inspired suggestion.

Schnorrer:

nein, ich bin schnorrer, aber in der Altersgruppe

 
13.02.02 15:19
6- bis 14-jährige könnten meine Äußerungen und mein Ansinnen durchaus als terroristisch gelten.

Deshalb fahre ich nie nach Disneyland.
ReWolf:

und ???? schon ausgefüllt ?? o.T.

 
13.02.02 15:19
Grinch:

Ich will den Kindern Weihnachten vermiesen...

 
13.02.02 15:21
bin ich dann schon Terrorist??? ;-))
monique:

Die Amis sind verbohrt!

 
13.02.02 15:32
"Ändern sie ihren Kurs"

Abschrift eines Funkgesprächs zwischen einem US-Marineschiff und kanadischen Behörden vor der Küste Neufundlands . Es wurde 1995 vom Chief of Naval Operations (Kanada) veröffentlicht.

Amerikaner: Bitte ändern Sie Ihren Kurs 15 Grad nach Norden, um eine Kollision zu vermeiden.

Kanadier: Ich empfehle, Sie ändern IHREN Kurs 15 Grad nach Süden, um eine Kollision zu vermeiden.

Amerikaner: Dies ist der Kapitän eines Schiffs der US-Marine. Noch einmal: Ändern Sie Ihren Kurs.

Kanadier: Nein. Ich sage noch einmal: Sie ändern Ihren Kurs.

Amerikaner: Dies ist der Flugzeugträger "USS Lincoln", das zweitgrößte Schiff in der Atlantikflotte der Vereinigten Staaten. Wir werden von drei Zerstörern, drei Kreuzern und mehreren Hilfsschiffen begleitet. Ich verlange, dass Sie Ihren Kurs ändern, oder es werden Gegenmaßnahmen ergriffen, um die Sicherheit dieses Schiffs zu gewährleisten.

Kanadier: Dies ist ein Leuchtturm. Sie sind dran.

Quelle: "Metall", Mitgliederzeitschrift der IG Metall, Nr. 1-2/2001, Seite 38

Grinch:

@monique: Der ist gut!!! GRÜÜÜÜN!!! ;-)) o.T.

 
13.02.02 15:34
Nowonder:

Will you be using this DellPC for worldterror y/n?

 
13.02.02 15:35

Dell UK is dutifully doing its bit in the war against terrorism, as evidenced by the Export Compliance section of the company's online order form. Says Question 4: "Will the product(s) be used in connection with weapons of mass destruction, i.e. nuclear applications, missile technology, or chemical or biological weapons purposes?"

Check yes or no. It is not, obviously, clear what happens if you check yes; nor, given the current shoot from the hip draconian policies being implemented on both sides of the pond these days, are we calling for volunteers. But from the way Dell puts it, responsibility lies with the US government rather than the company itself: "Dell Computer Corporation is a US Corporation and is therefore subject to all US Export Laws and Regulations. In view of this, please answer the following 4 questions for US export compliance purposes."

Dell subs do indeed seems to be subject to those regulations. We note at the Department of Commerce's Bureau of Export Administration site that Dell Gmbh (German subsidiary) was fined in 1998 for breaching US anti-boycott legislation.

We tried to check to see if IBM UK's online sales operation had a similar section to Dell's, but if it does, Big Blue unsportingly puts it after the section where you have to get your credit card verified. The Dell US shop, as far as we can see, only asks if you're going to be giving the kit to foreigners, and doesn't mention weapons of mass destruction at all. Presumably this is something to do with NRA lobbying. ®

www.theregister.co.uk/content/28/23930.html
Schnorrer:

Re monique: ist das authentisch?

 
13.02.02 15:58
Mir ist das Lachen im Halse steckengeblieben.
Spitfire33:

Du hast das schlimme Wort Terrori.....

 
13.02.02 16:06
ausgeschrieben. Ab sofort bist Du im Fahndungscomputer sämtlicher amerikanischer Geheimdienste. Böse Sache.
Happy End:

spitfire: Du meinst das Wort TERRORIST?

 
13.02.02 16:15
Ups, da könntest Du Recht haben *ggg*
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