Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden,
a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing,
you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why
don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey
pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually
gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of
the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally after a
fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. Soon, he was spotted by a farmer, who
promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top,
but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted
to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because
I control the whole body's responses and functions." The
feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain
about and get him to where he wants to go." The
hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all
the work and earn all the money." And so it went on
and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed
at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the
asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused
to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed,
the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and
lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually
they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss,
so the motion was passed. All the other parts did
all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out
the shit!
Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be a
Boss - any asshole will do.
Lesson Number Four
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It
was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in
a large field. While it was lying here, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how
warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He
lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing
for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came
to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug
him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden,
a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing,
you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why
don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey
pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually
gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of
the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally after a
fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. Soon, he was spotted by a farmer, who
promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top,
but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted
to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because
I control the whole body's responses and functions." The
feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain
about and get him to where he wants to go." The
hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all
the work and earn all the money." And so it went on
and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed
at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the
asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused
to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed,
the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and
lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually
they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss,
so the motion was passed. All the other parts did
all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out
the shit!
Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be a
Boss - any asshole will do.
Lesson Number Four
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It
was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in
a large field. While it was lying here, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how
warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He
lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing
for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came
to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug
him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
