January 1
With my wife I don't get no respect. I told her when I die I wanna be cremated. She's
planning a barbeque.
January 2
With my wife I don't get no respect. She told me she wanted sex in the back seat of
the car. I drove her and that guy around all night.
January 3
With my wife I don't get no respect. I got no sex life. In my house we put the mirror
over the dogs bed.
January 4
When I was born I got no respect. When the doctor told my mother, "I did all I could
but he pulled through anyway."
January 5
With my wife I don't get no respect. Last night some guy knocked on the front door.
She told me to hide in the closet.
January 6
With my wife I don't get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. My wife
lit it!
January 7
With my wife I don't get no respect. The other night she told me to take out the
garbage. I told her I already took out the garbage. Then she told me to go out and
keep an eye on it.
January 8
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best
woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me.
January 9
With my wife I don't get no respect. Why she kisses the dog on the lips and she
won't drink from my glass.
January 10
With my wife I don't get no respect. I had a fight with the dog. My wife said the dog
was right. And she told me this right in front of the dog! Now the dog has no respect.
My wife throws the ball. He waits for me to bring it back.
January 11
With the dog I don't get no respect. He makes me feel like I'm dirty. He jumps on my
bed, and then he smells it for ten minutes before he lays down on it.
January 12
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want
to go out. He wants me to leave.
January 13
With my dog I don't get no respect. His favorite bone is in my finger.
January 14
With girls I don't get no respect. When I was makin love to one girl she started to cry.
I said to her, "You'll hate yourself in the morning." She said, "No, I hate myself now!"
January 15
When I was a kid I got no respect. My old man took me to a freak show. They said,
"Get the kid out, he's destracting from the show."
January 16
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the
corner. A girl walked by. I said "Are you Louise?" She said, "Are you Rodney?" I
said, "Yeah." She said, "I'm not Louise."
January 17
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
January 18
When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-n-seek. They wouldn't even look for
me.
January 19
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to
keep runnin from one end to the other.
January 20
When I was a kid I got no respect. I asked my old man if I could go ice skating on the
lake. He told me to wait til it gets warmer.
January 21
When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster. My old man told
me to stand up straight.
January 22
When I was a kid I got no respect. Every week my old man took me to the zoo. I
found out he was trying to make a trade.
January 23
With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger
unless he offered me a ride.
January 24
With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three
minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in
the car.
January 25
With my old man I got no respect. When he told me I should start at the bottom. He
was teaching me how to swim.
January 26
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers
sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your
kid again."
January 27
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He
told me to run off a cliff.
January 28
When I was a kid I got no respect. My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap.
He was in the electric chair.
January 29
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, "I gonna run away from home."
She said, "On your mark....."
January 30
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!
January 31
When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a
custody fight over me...... and no one showed up.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I told her when I die I wanna be cremated. She's
planning a barbeque.
January 2
With my wife I don't get no respect. She told me she wanted sex in the back seat of
the car. I drove her and that guy around all night.
January 3
With my wife I don't get no respect. I got no sex life. In my house we put the mirror
over the dogs bed.
January 4
When I was born I got no respect. When the doctor told my mother, "I did all I could
but he pulled through anyway."
January 5
With my wife I don't get no respect. Last night some guy knocked on the front door.
She told me to hide in the closet.
January 6
With my wife I don't get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. My wife
lit it!
January 7
With my wife I don't get no respect. The other night she told me to take out the
garbage. I told her I already took out the garbage. Then she told me to go out and
keep an eye on it.
January 8
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best
woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me.
January 9
With my wife I don't get no respect. Why she kisses the dog on the lips and she
won't drink from my glass.
January 10
With my wife I don't get no respect. I had a fight with the dog. My wife said the dog
was right. And she told me this right in front of the dog! Now the dog has no respect.
My wife throws the ball. He waits for me to bring it back.
January 11
With the dog I don't get no respect. He makes me feel like I'm dirty. He jumps on my
bed, and then he smells it for ten minutes before he lays down on it.
January 12
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want
to go out. He wants me to leave.
January 13
With my dog I don't get no respect. His favorite bone is in my finger.
January 14
With girls I don't get no respect. When I was makin love to one girl she started to cry.
I said to her, "You'll hate yourself in the morning." She said, "No, I hate myself now!"
January 15
When I was a kid I got no respect. My old man took me to a freak show. They said,
"Get the kid out, he's destracting from the show."
January 16
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the
corner. A girl walked by. I said "Are you Louise?" She said, "Are you Rodney?" I
said, "Yeah." She said, "I'm not Louise."
January 17
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
January 18
When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-n-seek. They wouldn't even look for
me.
January 19
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to
keep runnin from one end to the other.
January 20
When I was a kid I got no respect. I asked my old man if I could go ice skating on the
lake. He told me to wait til it gets warmer.
January 21
When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster. My old man told
me to stand up straight.
January 22
When I was a kid I got no respect. Every week my old man took me to the zoo. I
found out he was trying to make a trade.
January 23
With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger
unless he offered me a ride.
January 24
With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three
minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in
the car.
January 25
With my old man I got no respect. When he told me I should start at the bottom. He
was teaching me how to swim.
January 26
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers
sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your
kid again."
January 27
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He
told me to run off a cliff.
January 28
When I was a kid I got no respect. My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap.
He was in the electric chair.
January 29
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, "I gonna run away from home."
She said, "On your mark....."
January 30
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!
January 31
When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a
custody fight over me...... and no one showed up.
